Breaking Free from Middle Autopilot: Embracing the Full Range of Emotions
There's a moment of clarity that sometimes hits you on an ordinary Tuesday afternoon. You're going through the motions—work, errands, dinner, sleep, repeat—when suddenly you realize: I'm not really feeling much of anything at all.
That's where I found myself recently. Not in crisis, not in bliss, but somewhere in the lukewarm middle. Functional. Fine. Just okay. And it scared me more than any low point ever has. It’s boring. It just is.
The Numbing Middle
Brené Brown, the renowned researcher and storyteller who has taught us so much about vulnerability and courage, puts it perfectly: "We cannot selectively numb emotions. When we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions."
This truth hit me like a revelation. In my efforts to protect myself from disappointment, rejection, and failure, I had inadvertently built walls that also kept out joy, wonder, and exhilaration. I had created a safe, predictable life where nothing hurt too badly—but nothing delighted me either.
I was living, but I wasn't thriving. I was existing on middle autopilot.
The Cost of Playing It Safe
Brown's research shows that the most fulfilling lives are those lived wholeheartedly—with vulnerability and courage. Yet somewhere along the way, I had opted for safety over wholeness.
Every morning, I woke up knowing exactly what my day would hold. No surprises. No risks. No chance of embarrassment or heartbreak. But also no possibility of unexpected joy, of the kind of belly laughter that makes your cheeks hurt, of the profound connection that comes from being truly seen.
The middle feels safe, but it's actually dangerous—because time passes, life moves on, and one day we wake up wondering where all our chances went.
Finding Your Way Back to Feeling
If you recognize yourself in any of this, I want you to know: we can break free from the middle. Here's how I'm working to reclaim the full spectrum of human emotion, and how you might begin your own journey:
1. Notice Your Numbing Strategies
We all have ways we avoid difficult feelings—scrolling mindlessly through social media (this one!), binge-watching shows we don't even enjoy, overworking, overspending. Start by simply noticing when you're using these tactics to stay comfortable.
For me, it was endless productivity and doom scrolling. As long as I was checking items off my to-do list, I didn't have to check in with my heart.
2. Take Small Emotional Risks Daily
Vulnerability builds like a muscle. Try sharing something personal with a friend. Express an unpopular opinion. Ask for help when you need it. Each small risk expands your capacity for feeling.
3. Pursue What Makes You Lose Track of Time
When was the last time you were so absorbed in something that hours passed like minutes? For some, it's creating art. For others, it's hiking in nature or deep conversation. Whatever it is for you, it's probably a clue to what brings you genuine joy.
4. Embrace Discomfort as Growth
When uncomfortable emotions arise—disappointment, grief, uncertainty—try sitting with them instead of running away. As Brown teaches us, these difficult feelings are not obstacles to a good life; they're essential components of it.
I've started keeping a journal where I write honestly about difficult emotions. It's not easy, but I've noticed that acknowledging my fears and disappointments makes space for more authentic happiness too.
5. Connect Authentically With Others
Nothing pulls us out of the middle like genuine human connection. Share your real struggles, not just your highlight reel. Ask deeper questions. Listen wholly.
The Courage to Feel Everything
Breaking free from middle autopilot isn't about seeking drama or manufacturing emotional highs and lows. It's about removing the filters through which we experience life. It's about having the courage to feel everything that comes our way—the painful and the precious alike.
As I've begun this journey, I've experienced moments of intense vulnerability that made me want to retreat back to the safety of the middle. But I've also experienced profound joy that reminded me what I'd been missing.
I haven’t broke the mold yet. But at least I know where I am starting.
So I ask you: Where are you on autopilot? What emotions are you keeping at bay? What joy might be waiting on the other side of your walls?
The middle may feel safe, but the edges—that's where the living happens. And I, for one, am ready to feel it all.
What small step will you take today to break free from your own middle autopilot? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
