Dear GRL: Your Grief Doesn't Have an Expiration Date
Let's be real: nobody prepared us for how grief would feel in 2025. Whether you're dealing with the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a career disappointment, or even grieving the life you thought you'd have by now—grief in your twenties and thirties hits differently than what our parents' generation experienced.
Social media doesn't help. We're constantly seeing highlight reels while we're struggling to get out of bed, wondering why we can't just "bounce back" like everyone else seems to. But here's the truth that needs to be said louder: your grief doesn't have an expiration date, and it definitely doesn't follow a neat, linear path.
The Myth of "Getting Over It"
Society loves to put timelines on grief. "It's been six months, shouldn't you be better by now?" "Time heals all wounds." "Everything happens for a reason." These well-meaning but ultimately harmful phrases ignore the reality of how grief actually works.
Dr. Kenneth Doka, a leading grief expert, emphasizes that grief is not a problem to be solved but a process to be experienced. The widely misunderstood "five stages of grief" (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) were never meant to be a checklist you complete in order. They're simply possible experiences you might have—or might not have at all.
Why Grief Feels Different for Our Generation
As millennials and Gen Z, we're dealing with grief in a unique context:
Economic uncertainty means we're often grieving lost opportunities and delayed milestones. That dream job, homeownership, or starting a family might feel perpetually out of reach.
Social media comparison amplifies our pain. We're grieving privately while seeing curated versions of others' lives, making us feel even more isolated in our struggles.
Less community support than previous generations. We're more geographically scattered from family, and traditional support systems like religious communities are less common.
Climate anxiety and global trauma add layers of collective grief to our personal losses. We're processing individual pain while also grappling with larger existential concerns.
The Non-Linear Reality of Grief
Here's what grief actually looks like: messy, unpredictable, and completely individual. Some days you'll feel like you're making progress, and then something small—a song, a smell, a random Tuesday—will knock you back down. This isn't failure; this is normal.
Grief researcher Dr. Nigel Field describes grief as more like a spiral than a straight line. You might revisit the same emotions at different intensities, and that's okay. Some people experience "waves" of grief that come and go unexpectedly. Others describe it as background noise that's always there but varies in volume.
The important thing to remember: there's no "right" way to grieve, and there's definitely no timeline you need to follow.
Practical Ways to Support Yourself Through Grief
1. Honor Your Feelings Without Judgment
Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up without trying to fix it or rush through it. Grief counselor Megan Devine puts it perfectly: "Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried."
2. Create Micro-Rituals
Small, consistent actions can provide comfort and structure. This might be:
Lighting a candle each morning
Journaling for five minutes before bed
Taking a walk when you feel overwhelmed
Texting one person who makes you feel supported
3. Set Boundaries Around Your Energy
You don't owe anyone explanations about your grief process. It's okay to:
Decline social events when you're not up for them
Limit social media if it's triggering
Ask friends and family for specific types of support
Say "I'm having a hard time right now" without elaborating
4. Find Your People
Grief can feel incredibly isolating, but you don't have to go through it alone. Consider:
Grief support groups (many are available online)
Therapy with a grief-informed counselor
Trusted friends who can sit with you in difficult moments
Online communities where others share similar experiences
5. Practice Radical Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with the same kindness you'd show a good friend. This means:
Not judging yourself for having "bad" days
Acknowledging that healing isn't linear
Celebrating small wins, like getting dressed or eating a meal
Remembering that your worth isn't determined by your productivity
Professional Support: When to Reach Out
While grief is a natural response to loss, sometimes we need additional support. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional if:
You're having thoughts of self-harm
You're unable to function in daily life for extended periods
You're using substances to cope
You feel completely hopeless about the future
Your grief is complicated by trauma or other mental health conditions
Many therapists now specialize in grief counseling and understand the unique challenges our generation faces. Don't hesitate to shop around for someone who feels like a good fit.
The Long Game: Living With Grief
Here's something nobody tells you: grief doesn't end, but it does change. Dr. Lois Tonkin's model suggests that grief doesn't shrink over time—life grows around it. You learn to carry it differently, and it becomes integrated into who you are rather than something that defines you completely.
This doesn't mean you'll always feel this raw pain. It means you'll develop a different relationship with loss, one that allows for both sorrow and joy, both missing and moving forward.
You're Not Broken
If you're reading this while navigating grief, please know: you're not broken, you're not doing it wrong, and you're not alone. Your timeline is your own. Your process is valid. Your feelings—all of them—deserve space and respect.
Grief is not a mountain to climb with a clear summit. It's more like weather—sometimes stormy, sometimes calm, always changing. And just like weather, you can learn to dress for the conditions and find shelter when you need it.
Your healing doesn't have to look like anyone else's. Your timeline doesn't have to match society's expectations. Your grief is yours, and however you need to carry it is exactly right.
Resources for Additional Support:
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
What's Your Grief: Online grief support community
Psychology Today: Find grief therapists in your area
The Dinner Party: Grief support community for young adults
GriefShare: Support groups (many locations and online options)
Remember: seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You deserve support during difficult times.
About GRL Initiative: We're committed to providing real, honest resources for young women navigating life's challenges. Mental health matters, and your story matters too.
