GRL Voices: When Coaches Break Your Spirit (And How You Find It Again)

Meet Lauren, who learned that sometimes walking away takes more courage than staying. Her story about toxic coaching and finding your power.

GRL: What was your first team sport experience like?

Lauren: I started with boys' tee-ball in kindergarten, which felt totally natural. My older brother had set the stage that we just get involved in sports – it wasn't even a question. Being on a team was just part of life.

GRL: When did things get complicated?

Lauren: By third grade, I was still playing baseball and faced this massive sixth-grader on the mound. He looked like a giant to me. He threw a ball that beaned me right in the wrist, and it really hurt. That's when I developed this fear of getting hit by the ball.

GRL: How did that fear show up?

Lauren: I remember this one dad yelling from the sidelines, "Don't worry, she's afraid of the ball!" And I WAS! It was embarrassing but also true. After that, I switched to softball, thinking it would be safer. Honestly though, I never really loved it – it was slow and kind of boring. I tried pitching just so I'd have something to do each inning.

GRL: Tell us about the coach situation that changed everything.

Lauren: I had this coach who consistently demeaned players. The final straw was in seventh grade when I was running to first base and he yelled, "Lauren, it's PMA – positive mental attitude – NOT PMS!" I was like 12 or 13 years old. Who says that to a kid?

"I walked off the field and never went back. I was proud of myself for standing up for myself and not taking his shit."

GRL: That must have been a huge moment.

Lauren: It was. I walked off that field and never went back. Even though he ended up being one of my high school teachers and definitely gave me some retribution after, I don't regret it. It was rude, demeaning, and showed his true character. I was proud of myself for not tolerating that treatment.

GRL: What did this whole experience teach you?

Lauren: It showed me the incredible power coaches have – both positive and negative. When I tried high school softball, my English teacher was the coach and practices were boring and uninspiring. If there had been a really good coach, I might have hung on longer. But it's okay when things aren't for you.

GRL: Where did you find your athletic passion?

Lauren: In high school, my love evolved into going to the gym and weightlifting as a life choice. I found my power there, on my own terms, without someone trying to tear me down.

"It showed me the incredible power coaches have – both positive and negative."

GRL: What would you tell someone dealing with a toxic coach?

Lauren: Trust your gut. If someone consistently makes you feel small or uses inappropriate language, that's about them, not you. Walking away doesn't mean you're giving up – sometimes it means you're choosing yourself. And that's actually the most courageous thing you can do.

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