Mental Load Management: When You're Carrying Everyone's Expectations
It's giving emotional labor overload, and we're here to help you redistribute the weight.
Hey beautiful humans! 💕 Can we have a real conversation about something that's been living rent-free in too many of our heads? The crushing weight of everyone else's dreams sitting on your shoulders like you're some kind of expectation pack mule.
If you've ever felt like you're not just playing your sport—you're carrying your parents' unfulfilled dreams, your coach's reputation, your team's hopes, your school's pride, AND your own goals all at once... bestie, this one's for you.
The Invisible Weight No One Talks About 😤
Let's start with some real tea: Being a student-athlete means you're automatically enrolled in a master class called "How to Be Everyone's Hope and Dream While Still Figuring Out Your Own Life." Nobody warned you about this part, right?
You're out here trying to:
Make your parents proud (especially if they sacrificed for your sport)
Live up to your coach's potential predictions
Set an example for younger teammates
Represent your school with "class and integrity"
Maintain your GPA because "student comes first"
Be the "strong one" your friends come to with their problems
Show the world that female athletes are just as dedicated/tough/worthy
And somewhere in that chaos, you're supposed to also figure out what YOU actually want. The math ain't mathing, sis.
When Being a "Role Model" Becomes a Prison 🔒
Real talk: The role model pressure hits different when you're a female athlete. Society already expects us to be "perfect"—add athletic achievement to the mix and suddenly you're supposed to be this flawless human who never struggles, never doubts, and definitely never has a public breakdown.
The role model trap looks like:
Feeling like you can't show vulnerability because "people look up to you"
Constantly monitoring your social media because you're "representing something bigger"
Staying quiet about mental health struggles because you don't want to "let people down"
Saying yes to every opportunity because "you should be grateful"
Feeling guilty for having normal human emotions or bad days
But here's what they don't tell you: The most powerful role models are the ones who show their humanity, not their perfection. Your struggles don't make you weak—they make you relatable and real.
Boundary Setting 101: The Art of Saying "That's Not Mine to Carry" 🚧
Setting boundaries as a student-athlete feels scary because it seems like everyone has invested something in your success. But boundaries aren't walls—they're guidelines that help you perform better and live healthier.
With Your Parents: Look, we love our families, but sometimes their investment in our sports journey becomes... a lot. Here's how to navigate it:
The Gentle Redirect: "I hear that you want me to succeed, and I want that too. Right now, what would help me most is [specific support you need] instead of [what they're currently doing]."
The Progress Share: Give them regular updates on YOUR goals and progress so they feel included without taking over your narrative.
The Appreciation + Boundary Combo: "I'm so grateful for everything you've done to support my dreams. To keep performing my best, I need to focus on my own goals and process."
With Your Coach: This one's tricky because coaches hold real power over your playing time and opportunities. But you can still advocate for yourself:
The Clarification Ask: "Can you help me understand what success looks like from your perspective so I can align my goals accordingly?"
The Check-In Request: "I'm feeling some pressure around [specific issue]. Can we talk about how to manage this so it doesn't impact my performance?"
The Honest Conversation: If the pressure is affecting your mental health, it's worth having a direct conversation. Most good coaches want to know if their approach isn't working.
With Teammates: Sometimes the pressure comes from being the one everyone leans on. You can still be supportive without being everyone's therapist:
The Redirect: "I care about you, and I think this situation needs more support than I can provide. Have you considered talking to [counselor/mental health professional]?"
The Boundary: "I'm dealing with my own stress right now, so I might not be the best person to help with this specific issue."
Your Goals vs. Everyone Else's Main Character Syndrome 🎯
Plot twist: Not everyone who has opinions about your life is actually living it. Here's how to separate your authentic goals from the noise:
The Values Check: Write down what YOU actually value, not what you think you should value. Is it the scholarship? The competition thrill? The team bonds? The personal growth? The future opportunities? Get clear on what drives YOU.
The Energy Audit: Pay attention to which goals energize you and which ones drain you. If thinking about a particular achievement feels heavy and obligatory rather than exciting, that's data worth examining.
The 5-Year Question: Ask yourself: "If I never played sports again, what would I want my life to look like?" This isn't about quitting—it's about understanding your identity beyond athletics.
The Regret Test: "If I don't pursue this goal, will I regret it, or will I feel relieved?" Honest answers only.
Self-Advocacy That Actually Works 💪
Self-advocacy isn't about being difficult—it's about being clear. Here are some scripts that actually work:
For Academic Accommodations: "My training schedule is impacting my ability to perform academically at my best. What options do we have to help me succeed in both areas?"
For Mental Health Support: "I'm struggling with [specific issue] and it's affecting my performance. Can you help me understand what resources are available?"
For Playing Time/Position Discussions: "I'd love to understand what I need to work on to earn more opportunities. Can we set up specific goals and check-in points?"
For Scheduling Conflicts: "I have a conflict between [two commitments]. Can we problem-solve this together?"
The key is asking for collaboration, not demanding special treatment.
Red Flags Your Mental Load Is Too Heavy 🚨
Your body and mind will send you signals when you're carrying too much. Don't ignore them:
Physical Signs:
Constant fatigue that rest doesn't fix
Getting sick more often
Changes in appetite or sleep patterns
Tension headaches or muscle pain without physical cause
Feeling "wired but tired"
Emotional Signs:
Crying over small things (or not being able to cry at all)
Feeling numb or disconnected from things you used to enjoy
Constant irritability or mood swings
Feeling like you're constantly behind or not doing enough
Losing motivation for things that used to excite you
Performance Signs:
Your athletic performance declining despite maintaining training
Difficulty concentrating during practice or games
Making uncharacteristic mistakes
Feeling disconnected from teammates
Sports feeling like a chore instead of something you choose
Social Signs:
Withdrawing from friends and family
Feeling like no one understands your experience
Constantly comparing yourself to others
Feeling guilty during downtime
Difficulty making decisions (even small ones)
When It's Time to Call in Reinforcements 🆘
There's this weird myth that asking for help makes you weak. That's absolutely false—knowing when you need support is literally a strength. Here's when to reach out:
Immediately:
If you're having thoughts of self-harm or suicide
If you're using substances to cope with pressure
If you're engaging in disordered eating behaviors
If you feel completely hopeless about your situation
Soon:
If the mental load is affecting your sleep for more than a week
If you're consistently feeling overwhelmed despite trying coping strategies
If people in your life are expressing concern about changes in your behavior
If you're avoiding activities you used to enjoy for several weeks
Resources That Get It:
Your school's counseling center (they see student-athletes all the time)
Sports psychologists who understand performance pressure
The NCAA Mental Health Resource Center
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
National Eating Disorders Association: 1-800-931-2237
Practical Strategies for Daily Mental Load Management 🧠
The Pressure Inventory: Every Sunday, write down all the expectations you're carrying. Sort them into:
Mine (things you genuinely want for yourself)
Theirs but reasonable (expectations that align with your goals)
Theirs and unreasonable (expectations that don't serve you)
Unclear (needs more investigation)
The Energy Protection Ritual: Before you engage with anyone who typically adds to your mental load, take three deep breaths and remind yourself: "I am responsible for my effort, not their emotions about my performance."
The Daily Check-In: End each day by asking: "What did I do today for ME?" If the answer is nothing, that's information worth noting.
The Expectation Conversation: Have regular check-ins with important people in your life about expectations. Make it collaborative: "How can we both feel good about my progress?"
Redefining Success on Your Terms ✨
Here's the plot twist nobody tells you: You get to decide what success means for your life. Not your parents, not your coach, not social media, not society's opinions about what female athletes should achieve.
Maybe success for you is:
Playing at the highest level possible
Using sports to get an education
Building lifelong friendships through your team
Developing mental toughness that serves you everywhere
Having fun and staying healthy
Creating opportunities for other girls in sports
Learning skills that transfer to other areas of life
All of these are valid. None of these require you to sacrifice your mental health or carry everyone else's dreams.
Your Permission Slip ✅
Consider this your official permission slip to:
Have bad days without feeling guilty
Prioritize your mental health over other people's comfort
Say no to commitments that don't align with your goals
Ask for help when you need it
Change your mind about what you want
Be human instead of perfect
Set boundaries that protect your energy
Focus on your own journey instead of comparing yourself to others
The Real MVP Move 🏆
The most powerful thing you can do is remember that your worth isn't determined by your performance, other people's satisfaction with your choices, or how well you meet expectations that were never yours to begin with.
You are not a vessel for other people's dreams. You're not a symbol or a representative or a inspiration machine. You're a whole human being with your own wants, needs, fears, and goals.
Your mental health matters more than any trophy, scholarship, or approval. Full stop.
The people who truly care about you want to see you thriving, not just achieving. And thriving includes having boundaries, asking for help, and prioritizing your wellbeing.
Community Check-In 💬
Let's normalize talking about this stuff. Drop a 🙋♀️ in the comments if you've ever felt like you're carrying everyone else's expectations. Share one boundary you're working on setting or one expectation you're ready to release.
Remember: You're not alone in this, and you don't have to figure it out by yourself. We're all here learning how to manage the mental load together.
Your dreams matter. Your wellbeing matters. YOU matter—exactly as you are, not as everyone else needs you to be.
Need more support managing the mental load? Follow us for weekly content about mental health, boundaries, and thriving as a female athlete. Because your mental game is just as important as your physical game. 💙
