The Friendship Audit: When to Hold On, When to Let Go

She used to be my person. The one I called first with good news, bad news, and everything in between. But somewhere between career changes, family additions, and personal growth, we started feeling like strangers speaking different languages.

Adult friendships are complicated in ways our teenage selves never imagined. Unlike family or romantic relationships, friendships exist purely by choice—which makes them both more precious and more fragile.

Dr. Robin Dunbar's research shows we can only maintain about 150 meaningful relationships, with just 5-10 being truly intimate connections. This isn't a failure of capacity—it's biology. And it means being intentional about where we invest our relational energy isn't selfish; it's necessary.

The Friendship Audit Framework

Not every friendship is meant to last forever, and that doesn't diminish what it once meant. Here's how to assess your relationships with compassion:

Energy Assessment: After spending time with this person, do you feel energized or drained? Authentic friendships should generally add to your life, not subtract from it.

Growth Alignment: Are you growing in compatible directions? People change, and sometimes they change apart. This isn't anyone's fault—it's life.

Reciprocity Check: Healthy relationships have natural give-and-take. If you're always the one initiating, planning, and emotional heavy-lifting, it might be time to step back.

Values Inventory: Do your core values still align? Major shifts in beliefs, priorities, or lifestyle can create unbridgeable gaps.

The seasons of friendship: Some friends are for a season, some for a reason, and a precious few for a lifetime. All categories have value, and recognizing which is which brings peace.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is release a friendship that no longer serves either of you. This creates space for new connections that align with who you're becoming.