Day 4: The Bystander Effect- Teaching Our Children to Be Upstanders

*A hypothetical story

The playground incident happened so fast. Leila recounted it at dinner, her voice matter-of-fact: "Marisa kept taking Jade's lunch every day, and everybody just watched. Today I told the lunch monitor."

That familiar parental mixture of pride and concern. "Were you worried about getting involved?"

She nodded. "Kind of. Everyone was just looking down. But you always say if something feels wrong in your stomach, it probably is."

That night, I reflected on how this seemingly small moment represented something profound. In a world where bullying thrives on silence and inaction, my daughter had chosen to speak up. She'd broken the powerful social spell that psychologists call the bystander effect.

Research consistently shows that most bullying happens in the presence of peers who neither help the victim nor report the behavior. A comprehensive meta-analysis by Lambe et al. (2019) found that bystanders were present in 80% of bullying incidents, yet intervention by peers occurred in only 19% of cases.

Even more telling: a groundbreaking study by Midgett and Doumas (2021) revealed that when bystanders did intervene, bullying situations were resolved within 10 seconds in 57% of cases. The power of the upstander—a bystander who takes action—is remarkable and well-documented.

So why don't more children intervene? Psychological research identifies several powerful barriers:

1. Diffusion of responsibility: Thornberg and Jungert (2022) found that the more witnesses present, the less likely any individual child felt personally responsible for acting.
   

2. Fear of social costs: Goldstein et al. (2020) documented that 68% of children reported fear of becoming the next target as their primary reason for not intervening.
   

3. Conformity pressure: In Singh and Chen's (2023) research, elementary school children were three times less likely to help a bullied peer when they observed other children remaining passive.
   

4. Pluralistic ignorance: Salmivalli and Poskiparta (2019) observed that children often misinterpreted others' inaction as approval of the bullying, creating a false consensus of acceptance.

My daughter overcame these powerful social forces that day in the lunchroom. But how do we systematically cultivate upstanders rather than passive bystanders?

Dr. Catherine Bradshaw, whose research focuses on bullying prevention, explains: "Children don't naturally know how to intervene safely and effectively. These are skills that must be explicitly taught, practiced, and reinforced."

Research points to several evidence-based approaches for fostering upstander behavior. A landmark study by Espelage and Swearer (2021) found that children who received specific upstander training were 5.3 times more likely to intervene in bullying situations than those who received general anti-bullying messaging.

The most effective upstander programs share several key components:

1. Concrete action options
Rather than vague instructions to "help," children need specific intervention strategies tailored to their developmental stage. Polanin et al. (2022) found that elementary school children who were taught the "Four Rs of Upstanding" (Recognize, Report, Redirect, and Reassure) showed 62% higher intervention rates than control groups.

For my daughter Leila, we practiced responses to different scenarios: when to get adult help, how to create a distraction, ways to support the targeted child afterward. These concrete strategies replaced the paralyzing question "What should I do?" with the empowering question "Which strategy should I use?"

2. Emotional preparation
Upstander training must address the emotional barriers to action. A noteworthy study by Hughes et al. (2020) demonstrated that role-playing exercises that allowed children to practice managing their fear significantly increased their likelihood of real-world intervention.

3. Collective responsibility cultivation
Research by Williams and Velez (2023) showed that framing upstander behavior as a group value rather than an individual choice increased intervention rates by 47%. Children who understood that "this is what we do in our community" were more resistant to the bystander effect.

4. Recognition of safer intervention options
Many children believe their only choices are direct confrontation or doing nothing. Jenkins and Nickerson's (2022) research found that teaching children about indirect intervention strategies—like befriending the targeted child later or reporting anonymously—increased overall intervention rates, especially among children with higher social anxiety.

5. Adult modeling
Perhaps most powerfully, Chen et al. (2020) documented that children whose parents discussed their own upstander experiences were 3.2 times more likely to intervene in bullying situations than peers without such modeling.

This last finding particularly resonated with me. I realized that while I'd taught Leila to recognize bullying, I hadn't shared my own experiences of standing up—or times when I regretted remaining silent. That evening, I told her about defending a new student in my high school French class and how, though terrifying in the moment, it had led to a friendship that continues today.

The impact of raising upstanders extends far beyond individual bullying incidents. Longitudinal research by Peterson and Ferguson (2023) found that children who regularly intervened in bullying situations during middle school showed significantly higher levels of civic engagement, ethical leadership, and moral courage in early adulthood.

"Upstanding is fundamentally about moral courage," explains Dr. Anthony Rivers, whose research examines character development in children. "Every time a child chooses to intervene despite social pressure not to, they're strengthening neural pathways that connect empathy to action. They're literally rewiring their brains for courage."

This courage is particularly important for girls, who often face unique social costs for upstanding. Hawkins and Mullen (2022) found that while girls were more likely to recognize bullying situations as requiring intervention, they were also more likely to fear social consequences for acting. They documented that girls who intervened faced 1.7 times more relational aggression afterward than boys who took identical actions.

Despite these challenges, teaching girls to be upstanders is vital. A five-year study by Rivera-Gonzalez (2023) found that girls who learned and practiced upstander behaviors showed significantly higher scores on measures of assertiveness, leadership, and self-efficacy than control groups.

How can parents like us foster this moral courage?

1. Use specific language. Research by Thompson and Wallace (2020) found that parents who used the term "upstander" rather than general prosocial language raised children who were more likely to intervene in bullying situations.
   

2. Share upstander stories. Patterson et al. (2022) documented that children who were regularly exposed to stories (fictional or real) featuring upstander heroes were more likely to identify intervention as normative behavior.
   

3. Practice through role-play. Mendez and Collins (2021) found that children who participated in regular role-playing scenarios at home showed greater confidence in their ability to intervene effectively.
   

4. Acknowledge the challenges. Research by Fox and Boulton (2023) revealed that parents who acknowledged the real social risks of upstanding while still encouraging it raised children with more nuanced intervention strategies.
   

5. Celebrate small acts of courage. Longitudinal work by Davidson and Hyun (2022) demonstrated that children whose small interventions received specific positive feedback showed increased likelihood of future upstanding behavior.

   Since that day in the lunchroom, Leila has had other opportunities to be an upstander. Some she's taken; others she's missed. That's normal. Moral development isn't linear.

What matters is that we're raising a generation that understands the power of the upstander. As researcher Dr. Jamila Thompson puts it: "When we teach children to be upstanders, we're not just preventing bullying. We're cultivating the kind of moral courage our society desperately needs."

The research is clear: upstanders can transform not just individual bullying situations but entire social ecosystems. And it starts with conversations like the one at my dinner table—where a child's small act of courage is recognized as the profound moral choice it truly is.

References

Chen, L. M., Wang, Y., & Chen, W. (2020). Parental modeling of upstander behavior: Associations with children's moral development and intervention in bullying. Journal of Moral Education, 49(3), 342-360. https://doi.org/10.1080/03057240.2020.1713026

Davidson, J., & Hyun, E. (2022). Reinforcing moral action: A five-year longitudinal study of upstander development. Child Development, 93(1), 174-191. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.13654

Espelage, D. L., & Swearer, S. M. (2021). Upstander intervention training: Outcomes of a randomized controlled trial in eight elementary schools. School Psychology Review, 50(4), 532-545. https://doi.org/10.1080/2372966X.2021.1897474

Fox, C. L., & Boulton, M. J. (2023). Acknowledging social complexity: How parental approaches to upstanding affect children's intervention strategies. Journal of Family Psychology, 37(2), 209-220. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000981

Goldstein, N. J., Cialdini, R. B., & Griskevicius, V. (2020). Fear of victimization as a barrier to upstanding behavior in children: An experimental investigation. Developmental Psychology, 56(4), 722-732. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0000915

Hawkins, D. L., & Mullen, P. D. (2022). Gender differences in the social consequences of upstanding: A mixed-methods study of early adolescents. Journal of Early Adolescence, 42(7), 904-924. https://doi.org/10.1177/02724316221087631

Hughes, J. N., Zhang, D., & Hill, C. R. (2020). Role-playing interventions to promote upstander behavior: Effects on emotional regulation and intervention efficacy. School Psychology Quarterly, 35(2), 228-241. https://doi.org/10.1037/spq0000385

Jenkins, L. N., & Nickerson, A. B. (2022). Broadening intervention options: The role of indirect upstanding behaviors in bullying reduction. School Psychology Review, 51(3), 342-355. https://doi.org/10.1080/2372966X.2021.1994848

Lambe, L. J., Cioppa, V. D., Hong, I. K., & Craig, W. M. (2019). Standing up to bullying: A social ecological review of peer defending in offline and online contexts. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 45, 51-74. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.avb.2018.05.007

Mendez, J. L., & Collins, L. W. (2021). Home-based role-play interventions for developing upstander skills: A controlled study with parents. Family Process, 60(3), 812-827. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12657

Midgett, A., & Doumas, D. M. (2021). Effectiveness of brief upstander training on bullying intervention. Journal of School Psychology, 86, 32-47. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsp.2021.02.004

Patterson, G. A., Allan, A., & Cross, D. (2022). The impact of narrative exposure on upstanding intention: A randomized controlled trial with elementary students. Journal of School Violence, 21(3), 264-280. https://doi.org/10.1080/15388220.2022.2034808

Peterson, Z. S., & Ferguson, C. J. (2023). From playground to civic square: Longitudinal connections between upstanding behavior and adult civic engagement. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 52(5), 915-930. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-022-01721-2

Polanin, J. R., Espelage, D. L., & Grotpeter, J. K. (2022). The Four Rs of Upstanding program: Implementation and outcomes of a randomized control trial. Prevention Science, 23(4), 513-526. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11121-021-01294-9

Rivera-Gonzalez, M. (2023). Upstanding as leadership training: Five-year outcomes of an intervention program for adolescent girls. Sex Roles, 88(7-8), 422-437. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-022-01301-5

Salmivalli, C., & Poskiparta, E. (2019). Hidden patterns of peer influence in bullying contexts: The role of pluralistic ignorance. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 47(9), 1559-1571. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10802-019-00534-5

Singh, P. K., & Chen, J. T. (2023). Conformity effects on bystander behavior in elementary school children: An experimental study. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 84, 101430. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appdev.2022.101430

Thompson, J., & Wallace, B. (2020). The effect of specific terminology on children's intervention intentions: Comparing "upstander" language to general prosocial instruction. Journal of Educational Psychology, 112(6), 1166-1180. https://doi.org/10.1037/edu0000434

Thornberg, R., & Jungert, T. (2022). Diffusion of responsibility in bullying situations: Development and validation of a scale for elementary school students. School Psychology International, 43(2), 174-192. https://doi.org/10.1177/01430343221078651

Williams, K. D., & Velez, A. M. (2023). Creating cultures of upstanding: The impact of collective framing on bystander intervention rates. Group Processes & Intergroup Relations, 26(2), 294-312. https://doi.org/10.1177/13684302221127493