DEAR GRL: Trust Your Gut - Your Body Knows First

Hey beautiful,

Something feels off, doesn't it? Maybe it's the way they keep pushing after you've said "maybe later." Maybe it's how they get quiet and pouty when you don't want to do something. Maybe it's the way they make you feel guilty for having boundaries, or how they frame your "no" as you being uptight, inexperienced, or prudish.

Your mind might be making excuses for them. "They're just really into me." "They don't mean it like that." "Maybe I am being too sensitive." But your body? Your body is sending you signals that something isn't right. That tightness in your chest, that knot in your stomach, that urge to change the subject or leave the room—that's your intuition talking, and it's trying to protect you.

Your gut instinct is not up for debate. It doesn't need to be rational, justified, or explained to anyone. It doesn't need to make sense to your friends, your partner, or even to you. If something feels wrong, it probably is. If someone feels unsafe, they probably are. If a situation makes you uncomfortable, that discomfort is valid regardless of whether you can articulate why.

Let's talk about what healthy looks like, because sometimes when we've only seen dysfunction, we don't even know what normal feels like. A person who respects you will:

• Accept your "no" the first time without arguing, negotiating, or sulking

• Never make you feel guilty for your boundaries

• Check in with you during intimate moments to make sure you're still comfortable

• Respect your pace without pressuring you to speed up

• Care more about your comfort than their own desires

• Never use your feelings for them as leverage to get what they want

If someone gets angry when you set a boundary, that boundary was necessary. If someone calls you names when you say no, they just showed you who they really are. If someone makes you feel bad for protecting yourself, they are not safe for you.

You don't owe anyone access to your body, ever. Not because you've been dating for six months. Not because they bought you dinner. Not because you said yes yesterday. Not because you're in a relationship. Not because other people your age are doing it. Not because they say they love you. Not because you've done it before. Your body is yours, and you get to decide who touches it, when, and how. Every single time.

And here's something they don't teach you: Consent isn't just about sex. It's about any situation where someone wants something from you that you're not sure you want to give. Your time, your energy, your attention, your secrets, your photos, your location, your social media passwords—all of these things require your enthusiastic yes, not just the absence of a no.

Pay attention to how you feel in their presence. Do you feel relaxed and yourself, or are you constantly walking on eggshells? Do you feel celebrated for who you are, or like you need to change to keep them happy? Do conversations flow naturally, or do you find yourself rehearsing what to say? Do you feel heard when you speak, or dismissed and misunderstood?

Trust the feeling in your body more than the words coming out of their mouth. Someone can say all the right things while making you feel all the wrong ways. They can claim to respect you while consistently disrespecting your boundaries. They can say they love you while treating you in ways that don't feel loving. Actions and energy don't lie, even when words do.

If you're questioning whether someone's behavior is okay, it probably isn't. Healthy relationships don't leave you constantly confused about where you stand. They don't make you feel like you're asking for too much when you ask for basic respect. They don't require you to convince yourself that bad treatment is actually love.

You're not responsible for managing other people's emotions about your boundaries. If they get upset because you won't send photos, that's their problem to solve, not yours to fix. If they withdraw love because you won't do something sexual you're not ready for, they just showed you that their love comes with conditions. Real love doesn't punish you for self-protection.

Sometimes you'll set a boundary and realize later you're comfortable moving it—that's okay too. Boundaries aren't walls built forever; they're more like gates that you control. But the key word is YOU control them. You get to open them when you want to, not when someone else pressures you to.

Start practicing with small boundaries first. "I don't want to share my location." "I'm not comfortable with that joke." "I need some space tonight." "I don't want to talk about that." Notice how they respond. Someone who respects small boundaries will respect big ones. Someone who fights you on little things will definitely fight you on important things.

Remember: You can love someone and still recognize they're not good for you. You can have feelings for someone while also acknowledging they don't treat you well. Your heart and your gut can want different things, and when that happens, trust your gut. Your heart can heal from disappointment, but recovering from situations where you ignored your instincts is much harder.

You deserve someone who makes respecting you look effortless. You deserve someone who cares about your comfort more than their own gratification. You deserve someone who sees your boundaries as information about how to love you better, not obstacles to overcome.

The right person won't make you feel bad for protecting yourself. The right person won't pressure you to prove your feelings through physical acts. The right person will create an environment where you feel safe to say both yes and no, knowing either answer will be respected.

Your intuition is a gift. Use it. Trust it. Let it guide you toward people and situations that honor your worth, and away from those that don't. You're not being paranoid or overprotective—you're being wise.

Your gut has never steered you wrong. Don't start doubting it now.

With love and complete trust in your inner wisdom,

The GRL Initiative

P.S. If you're in a situation where someone has violated your boundaries or made you feel unsafe, please reach out to trusted adults, counselors, or resources like RAINN (1-800-656-4673). You deserve support and safety.