How to Build Confidence When You Don’t Feel Like ‘That Girl’

PS: I’ve never been “THAT” girl and I love it, because I’m “THIS” girl!

This is me squatting at 8 months pregnant. Why? Because it’s who I am…

Let’s be honest—confidence looks effortless on social media. We see girls walking into rooms like they own them, talking without hesitation, and never second-guessing themselves. But here’s the truth: real confidence isn’t about always feeling good—it’s about showing up anyway.

There are days when I don’t feel it. Days when I second-guess what I say, how I look, or if I even belong in certain rooms. And you know what? That’s okay. Confidence isn’t a switch you turn on—it’s something you build, little by little, until one day, it just clicks.

Confidence Is an Action, Not a Feeling

Some days, when I’m struggling, I take a little extra time getting ready—figuring out what to wear, doing my hair, or just putting in a little more effort. It’s not about vanity; it’s about aligning my outward appearance with how I want to feel inside. A few extra minutes of investing in myself can be enough to shift my energy.

Other days, I rely on small habits that make me feel capable—like playing pickleball or lifting weights. These are things I know I can do, no matter what kind of mood I’m in. When I start my day doing something I’m good at, it helps me build up some confidence steam to carry into the rest of my day.

Faking It Until You Make It (But for Real This Time)

Let me tell you a story. I work in a male-dominated industry, and most of the men I interact with are 60+ years old. They don’t necessarily want to hear from a woman in her 40s—especially one who dresses, talks, and operates differently than they do.

At first, I wanted so badly for them to embrace me, to invite me into their conversations, to see me as someone they respected. So I tried to fit in. I adjusted how I spoke, I played by their rules, I did everything I could to gain their approval. And I failed miserably. Every rejection chipped away at my confidence, and I started questioning my place in the room.

Then, one day, I had a realization: I don’t actually want their approval.

What I wanted was to show up as myself—fully, confidently, and without compromise. So I stopped trying to fit in and started owning what I knew. I did the work, I sharpened my skills, and I showed up with airtight thoughts and ideas that left no room for them to poke holes in my expertise.

And you know what? It worked.

It’s not that they didn’t like me—it’s that I intimidated them. I looked at things differently, and that scared them. But once I let go of wanting to be accepted and instead focused on owning my space, my confidence grew exponentially.

How You Can Build Confidence Every Day

✔ Take time to invest in yourself—even if it’s just getting dressed in a way that makes you feel good.
✔ Do something you’re good at daily—build small wins that remind you what you’re capable of.
✔ Stop waiting for approval—confidence comes from you, not from someone else’s validation.
✔ Own what makes you different—your uniqueness is your power, not something to hide.

Final Thoughts: You Are Enough, As You Are

Confidence isn’t about being loud, perfect, or effortlessly self-assured. It’s about knowing yourself, trusting yourself, and showing up anyway. Some days, you’ll have to fake it. But over time, that "faking" turns into something real.

And before you know it? You’re walking into rooms like you own them—not because you need others to see your worth, but because you already know it yourself.