The Summer That Wasn't, But Maybe Still Is
Every morning I wake up grateful for the ability to move, to breathe, to be present in this life. And I am. Deeply, truly grateful. But if I'm being honest, this summer has felt like it's slipping through my fingers like sand.
The first half has been a blur of suitcases and airplane tickets. Wisconsin, Chicago, Seattle, Santa Barbara, and next week another work conference. I've packed, washed, and repacked the same clothes for three weeks straight. Small potatoes in the grand scheme of life's challenges, but enough to make summer feel more like a marathon than the slow, sweet season it's meant to be.
But here's the real reason this summer has felt off-kilter: I'm navigating the turbulent waters of parenting a 14-year-old who's about to start high school. We're in it, as they say. If I say right, he says left. If I say don't touch that, he does exactly that the moment I'm not looking. We've been doing this awful summer square dance for weeks now, and today something finally clicked.
I looked at my son—really looked—and saw a kid with no self-confidence, no goals, no vision, no dreams lighting up his eyes. His course is uncharted because there's no point on the map he's reaching for or striving toward. So he wanders and sweeps through his days, bored and defiant in equal measure.
Don't get me wrong—I'm a huge advocate for boredom. It's where creativity is born. But what I'm seeing isn't the productive kind of boredom that sparks imagination. What I'm witnessing is a lack of confidence that has me genuinely concerned, because that's where danger lives. When you don't believe in yourself, you become easily swayed by poor choices or lean too heavily into impulsivity.
After taking a moment to gather my thoughts (and my composure), I asked him to create some goals. Three timeframes: by the end of summer, by Christmas, and by next summer. Then I did something that felt both modern and maternal—I fed those goals into AI and asked it to create actionable plans with smaller, manageable steps.
The Science of Building Confidence
Research consistently shows that confidence and self-worth aren't built through empty praise or participation trophies. According to studies from Stanford's Carol Dweck on growth mindset, confidence develops through:
Mastery experiences: Successfully completing challenging tasks builds the strongest foundation for self-efficacy. When we accomplish something difficult, our brain literally rewires to believe "I can do hard things."
Incremental progress: Breaking larger goals into smaller, achievable milestones creates a series of wins that compound over time. Each small victory becomes evidence of capability.
Modeling and social support: Seeing others (especially peers) succeed at similar challenges and receiving encouragement from trusted adults significantly impacts a young person's belief in their own abilities.
Managing emotional states: Teaching kids to recognize and work through frustration, anxiety, and setbacks rather than avoiding them builds resilience and confidence in their ability to handle life's inevitable challenges.
The beautiful thing about goal-setting with teenagers is that it often becomes contagious. His goal-setting prompted my own reflection, which led to conversations with my partner about his aspirations, and eventually to discussions about our family goals. Because here's what I've learned: writing down goals creates accountability, and a goal without a plan is just a wish floating in space.
Finding Our North Star
I'm hopeful that today marks a turning point—the day we stop spinning around in the bay and finally pick a point on the horizon to sail toward. Maybe this summer hasn't unfolded the way any of us expected, but there's still time. There's still July and August stretching ahead of us like an invitation.
Summer doesn't have to be perfect to be meaningful. It doesn't have to be Instagram-worthy to be transformative. Sometimes the most important summers are the ones that challenge us to course-correct, to pay attention, to ask the hard questions about where we're headed and why.
So here's to the summer that wasn't everything we planned, but might still become everything we need. Here's to teenagers who challenge us to be better parents, to goals that scare us just enough to be worth pursuing, and to the belief that it's never too late to chart a new course.
The horizon is waiting. And we're finally ready to sail toward it.
What goals are calling to you this summer? Sometimes the best time to begin is right now, in the messy middle of things.
