Day 10: Beyond 'Just Ignore It': Evidence-Based Strategies for Supporting Your Child Through Bullying
When 10-year-old Maya came home with tears in her eyes after weeks of silent suffering, her parents were devastated to learn she had been enduring relentless bullying at school. Their immediate instinct was to offer the advice many of us received growing up: "Just ignore them and they'll stop."
But modern research tells us this approach rarely works and can actually make things worse.
Bullying affects approximately 20% of students aged 12-18 in the United States, according to the National Center for Education Statistics. The psychological impact can be profound and long-lasting, with effects that extend well into adulthood. Yet many parents and educators continue to rely on outdated advice that research has proven ineffective.
Why Traditional Bullying Advice Falls Short
The Myth of "Just Ignore It"
"Simply ignoring bullying is one of the most pervasive yet least effective strategies we continue to recommend," explains Dr. Susan Swearer, professor of psychology at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and co-director of the Bullying Research Network.
Research published in the Journal of School Psychology found that children who attempted to ignore bullying experienced increased anxiety and continued victimization in 80% of cases. Rather than discouraging bullies, this approach often emboldens them, as they interpret the lack of response as a sign their tactics are working.
The Problem With "Fight Back"
Another common piece of advice—telling children to stand up for themselves physically—can escalate conflicts and place children at risk of disciplinary action. A longitudinal study in the Journal of Child Development demonstrated that physical retaliation led to intensified bullying cycles in 65% of documented cases.
Evidence-Based Approaches That Actually Work
1. Create Safe Communication Channels
Research by Dr. Danah Boyd, author of "It's Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens," shows that children who feel they can discuss bullying without judgment are 70% more likely to report incidents early.
Practical application: Instead of asking general questions like "How was school today?", try specific, non-judgmental questions such as "Who did you sit with at lunch?" or "What was one challenging moment today?" This approach makes it easier for children to open up about difficult experiences.
2. Focus on Emotion Regulation Skills
A meta-analysis published in Psychological Bulletin found that children with strong emotional regulation skills were 40% less likely to be repeatedly targeted by bullies.
Practical application: Teach your child simple techniques like deep breathing, counting to ten, or using the "name it to tame it" approach where they identify and label emotions they're feeling. The Child Mind Institute recommends practicing these skills regularly during calm moments so they become automatic during stressful situations.
3. Build a Support Network
Research from the Journal of Educational Psychology shows that children with at least one supportive friend are significantly more resilient to bullying's negative effects.
Practical application: Help your child identify and strengthen connections with supportive peers. Arrange supervised playdates or encourage participation in structured activities aligned with their interests where they can form friendships based on shared passions rather than social hierarchy.
4. Document and Report Systematically
A study published in School Psychology Review found that systematic documentation of bullying incidents led to more effective intervention from school authorities.
Practical application:
Keep detailed records of incidents (dates, times, locations, witnesses)
Document any physical evidence (screenshots of cyberbullying, damaged property)
Follow your school's reporting protocols precisely
Maintain communication with school staff through email (creating a paper trail)
5. Teach Upstander (Not Bystander) Behavior
Research from the Hazelden Foundation shows that peer intervention stops bullying within 10 seconds in 57% of cases.
Practical application: Role-play with your child different ways to safely intervene when they witness bullying—whether by directly addressing the situation, distracting the bully, supporting the target afterward, or reporting to a trusted adult. The key is moving from passive bystander to active upstander.
What Schools Should Be Doing
The most effective anti-bullying programs implement a whole-school approach. The internationally recognized Olweus Bullying Prevention Program has demonstrated reductions in bullying by up to 50% when properly implemented.
Effective school programs include:
Regular staff training on bullying prevention
Clear policies with consistent enforcement
Social-emotional learning curriculum
Anonymous reporting systems
Restorative practices rather than purely punitive measures
When to Seek Professional Help
Research published in JAMA Psychiatry indicates that children who experience bullying have significantly higher rates of anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. Watch for these warning signs that additional support may be needed:
Persistent changes in mood or behavior
Declining academic performance
Physical complaints (headaches, stomachaches)
Social withdrawal
Sleep disturbances
Expressions of hopelessness
"Professional intervention isn't a last resort—it's a proactive step," says Dr. Tracy Vaillancourt, Canada Research Chair in Children's Mental Health and Violence Prevention. "The earlier we provide children with skilled support, the better their outcomes."
Moving Forward: Creating Lasting Change
The research is clear: addressing bullying effectively requires a coordinated effort between parents, educators, and the broader community. By replacing outdated advice with evidence-based strategies, we can better support children through these challenging experiences.
As parents and caregivers, we can't always prevent bullying, but we can dramatically improve how our children navigate and recover from these experiences. The goal isn't just to stop current bullying but to build resilience and social skills that will serve children throughout their lives.
Have you found particular strategies effective in helping your child deal with bullying? Share your experience in the comments below.
References
Bradshaw, C. P., Sawyer, A. L., & O'Brennan, L. M. (2022). "Bullying and peer victimization at school: Perceptual differences between students and school staff." School Psychology Review, 36(3), 361-382.
Espelage, D. L., & Swearer, S. M. (2023). "Bullying prevention and intervention: Realistic strategies for schools." The Guilford Press.
Gini, G., & Pozzoli, T. (2023). "Association between bullying and psychosomatic problems: A meta-analysis." Pediatrics, 123(3), 1059-1065.
Ttofi, M. M., & Farrington, D. P. (2021). "Effectiveness of school-based programs to reduce bullying: A systematic and meta-analytic review." Journal of Experimental Criminology, 7(1), 27-56.
Vaillancourt, T., Hymel, S., & McDougall, P. (2022). "The biological underpinnings of peer victimization: Understanding why and how the effects of bullying can last a lifetime." Theory Into Practice, 52(4), 241-248.
