How to Set a Boundary Without Feeling Like the Villain

Let’s be honest — setting a boundary feels like telling people you’ve changed the Wi-Fi password. Awkward. But good relationships adjust; fragile ones crack.

Here’s a three-step framework, adapted from Brené Brown and Tawwab:
1️⃣ Name the need. “I need downtime after work.”
2️⃣ State the limit. “I’ll mute notifications after 6 p.m.”
3️⃣ Follow through. “If you message after that, I’ll reply tomorrow.”

That follow-through part? That’s the rep that builds the muscle.

Research in Frontiers in Psychology (2022) found that consistent boundary practice correlates with self-efficacy — basically, the belief that your decisions matter. The first few reps will feel clumsy, especially for women socialized to be “easygoing.” That discomfort isn’t failure; it’s growth.

A quick reframe: Boundaries aren’t about rejection; they’re about alignment. You’re letting people know how to stay in relationship with you, not how to leave it.

GRL Takeaway: You can say no kindly and still be kind.
Try this: Write one boundary statement you need right now — then say it out loud to hear your confidence catch up with your voice.