Two Pairs of Underwear and Other Things Moms Pretend Aren’t Happening

Somewhere out there, a mom is reading this while thinking she’s the only one whose kid showed up to school with two pairs of underwear on under the perfect outfit.

Spoiler: she’s not.
It’s me. I’m the mom. And honestly? I just laughed and said,
“Aren’t you uncomfortable?”

Apparently… no. No he was not.

Because behind every “how does she do it?” mom is a child wearing double underwear, or two left socks, or a Halloween shirt in March because “the vibes were correct.”

This is the part of motherhood no one talks about — not because we’re hiding it, but because we’re all too busy surviving the circus we’re also expected to run.

The Myth of the Put-Together Mom

Every school drop-off has that mom.

Matching set. Reusable cup. Hair that suggests she didn’t sleep in 12-minute increments. Voice that says, “Our morning was peaceful,” when in reality her toddler may or may not have eaten toothpaste.

People look at moms like us — especially those of us who lead, produce, deliver, and show up in big ways — and assume:

“Wow, she really has it together.”

And maybe online I look like I do.
A nicely written pep talk. A conference speech. A leadership quote. A post about belonging.

What you don’t see?

• Me sneezing immediately after putting on mascara and now looking like a raccoon.

• Me spilling coffee all over my jacket on the way into a meeting.

• Me negotiating peace treaties over socks.

• Me shrugging at the double-underwear situation because honestly, pick your battles.

Motherhood is the world’s greatest optical illusion.

The Secret Stuff Moms Don’t Broadcast

Here’s the truth I wish someone had told me:
Every mom is carrying something enormous — she just learned how to hide the size of it.

Maybe it’s a child with ADHD or trauma who is failing classes in their freshman year and it feels like you’re fighting a system you didn’t build.

Maybe it’s the quiet ache of infertility — month after month of wanting a path so badly it broke your heart every 28 days.
(I write more about this in my book, because it deserves space, not just a passing sentence.)

Maybe it’s the moment you learn your baby isn’t perfect.
Or that your marriage is entering a season you never saw coming.
Or that your mental health is tapping on the door asking to be taken seriously.

None of this is on Instagram.
None of this shows up in the school pickup line.
None of this is discussed enough.

But all of it is real.
And all of it belongs in the story.

The Competency Trap

High-performing moms — the ones who lead teams, manage jobs, organize the universe — get hit with a dangerous assumption:

“She can handle it.”

If you're good, people just start piling more on.
If you’re exceptional, they assume you’re invincible.
If you make it look easy, they forget that it’s not.

And suddenly the baseline expectation becomes superhuman.

Meanwhile, your kid is wearing two pairs of underwear and you’re like,
“This is the level we’re operating at today. Welcome.”

This isn’t failure.
This is reality.

The Leadership Hidden Inside the Mess

Here’s where I will always anchor this:

Leadership and motherhood are the same dance.

Grace under pressure.
Adaptability.
Boundaries that wobble.
Courage that quakes.
Showing up even when the crown feels heavy.

When it gets ridiculous, lead anyway.
When it gets messy, lead anyway.
When you can’t do one more thing but there’s still one more thing, lead anyway — not flawlessly, just fully.

This isn’t perfect leadership.
This is full-size leadership — the kind we live, not perform.

The Point (besides making you feel seen)

Your kid wearing two underwear?
Your mascara smudge?
Your coffee-stained jacket?
Your silent battles?
Your unseen heartbreaks?

None of these are indicators that you’re failing.

They’re evidence that you are living a whole, complicated, courageous life — and still showing up.

You don’t need to pretend.
You don’t need to hide the layers.
You don’t need to shrink or smile through everything.

But we do owe it to ourselves — and each other — to keep talking about the real stuff.
The unseen stuff.
The quiet battles behind the public strength.

Because when one woman shares her truth, another woman feels less alone.

Welcome to the sisterhood.
You belong here.

If this resonated — even a little — you’re not alone.
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