What Coaches Need to Know About Playing Kids Up

A GRL Initiative Guide for the Leaders Who Shape Youth Sports

Playing a child up to an older team is one of the most impactful decisions a coach can make. It changes a child’s social world, emotional load, confidence, game experience, and long-term relationship with sport. Sometimes it’s the right move. Sometimes it accelerates development beautifully. But often, it’s done too soon, too quickly, or for the wrong reasons.

As someone who has coached, led programs, and now oversees statewide athletics, I’ve seen the full picture: when “playing up” works, when it doesn’t, and what kids quietly carry in the process. And as the research continues to show, this decision matters more than many coaches understand.

This guide is written for the coaches who want to get it right. The ones who care deeply about development, belonging, and long-term athlete wellbeing — not just short-term wins.

1. Most Kids Aren’t Ready to Play Up — Even If They Look Skilled

Playing up requires more than talent. It requires:

• emotional maturity
• social confidence
• physical readiness
• resilience
• communication skills
• adaptability
• the ability to process feedback at a higher level

The Developmental Model of Sport Participation emphasizes that the sport environment must match an athlete’s whole developmental profile — not just technical skill. The Women’s Sports Foundation adds that girls especially need environments where confidence and belonging stay high.

A kid may be good enough.
That doesn’t mean the environment is good for them.

2. The Star of the Younger Team Rarely Becomes the Star of the Older Team

Coaches often pull up “the star” thinking it’s a compliment.
But in practice?

I’ve seldom seen that child become the standout on the older roster.
Not never — but seldom.

Instead, they often become:

• the new one
• the youngest
• the quietest
• the one trying to keep up
• the one with fewer touches, fewer chances, fewer celebrations

The drop in perceived competence is steep.
JAMA Pediatrics confirms that perceived competence is one of the strongest predictors of long-term sport participation. When kids suddenly feel less capable, their motivation and confidence drop fast.

Coaches must account for this.

3. Belonging Matters More Than You Think

Belonging is not a soft skill — it’s a performance skill.

According to Project Play, belonging is the #1 predictor of whether kids stay in sports.
For girls, the effect is even stronger.

But when a child plays up:

• the age gap widens
• social mismatches appear
• they may not find their place
• older teammates may unintentionally exclude them
• they lose the confidence that comes from being surrounded by peers

A child who doesn’t feel like they belong will not thrive, no matter how talented they are.

Coaches must protect belonging with the same intensity they protect safety.

4. If You’re Playing Them Up for Your Roster — Not Their Development — It Will Backfire

Let’s be honest.
Sometimes kids are pulled up because the older team needs:

• more bodies
• practice depth
• roster coverage
• a stronger bench
• extra subs for tournaments

And the younger player fills a gap.

But padding a roster is not development.

Kids sitting the bench do not improve.
Kids touching the ball fewer times do not develop faster.
Kids who feel like “the extra” lose confidence.

The Aspen Institute warns that decreased playing time is one of the strongest contributors to youth dropout.

If a coach can’t guarantee meaningful minutes or development, they shouldn’t pull a child up.

5. Clear Communication With Parents Is Non-Negotiable

Parents don’t expect perfection.
They expect clarity.

When playing a kid up, coaches should communicate:

• why this move is happening
• what the child’s role will be
• what success will look like
• how playing time will work
• how you will support their confidence
• how you will support their social transition
• the long-term plan

The Positive Coaching Alliance emphasizes role clarity as essential to athlete wellbeing. Ambiguity creates stress — for the athlete and the family.

6. Protect Confidence Like It’s a Skill — Because It Is

Children who play up can experience:

• more mistakes
• more correction
• less success
• more comparison
• fewer leadership opportunities

Girls are especially vulnerable to losing confidence without obvious signs.
The Women’s Sports Foundation connects confidence loss directly to dropout, reduced motivation, and decreased physical activity.

Coaches must intentionally:

• celebrate small wins
• ask how players are doing emotionally
• give bite-sized feedback
• create moments where the younger athlete feels competent
• avoid comparison to older players

Confidence fuels development.
Without it, talent dries up.

7. “Not Yet” Is Often the Best Development Decision You Can Make

Great coaches are not the ones who push every child forward.
Great coaches are the ones who know when to say:

“Not yet. Not this season. Let’s keep you at the right level right now.”

Right level, right now — not “highest level possible as soon as possible” — is the foundation of healthy athlete development.

The goal is not winning the U12 tournament.
The goal is keeping kids in the game long enough to discover who they are.

What Great Coaches Understand

• Development is not a race.
• Belonging builds confidence.
• Confidence builds skill.
• Skill builds joy.
• Joy keeps kids playing.

When coaches create environments where young athletes — especially girls — feel safe, capable, connected, and challenged, they don’t just shape the season.

They shape the future.

— The GRL Initiative