Designing your Healing Day(s)
(Because rest doesn’t just happen—it’s designed.)
Healing doesn’t happen by accident.
We talk a lot about “taking time to rest,” but what I’ve learned is that rest doesn’t just appear on your calendar like a meeting invite—it has to be structured with as much intention as your busiest workday. Because if you don’t define it, someone else will.
After I wrote about burnout and the cadence of work, so many people said they related to that moment when your brain is full and your energy is gone, yet everyone around you keeps asking for “just one more thing.” And here’s the truth: people aren’t mind readers. They might love you deeply, but they can’t honor a need you haven’t articulated.
That’s where designing your healing day comes in.
Step 1: Call It What It Is
A healing day is not a lazy day or a personal day or a mental-health break you secretly feel guilty about. It’s the time you give your nervous system to recalibrate. Think of it like post-workout recovery: the muscles don’t grow during the lifting—they grow during the repair. Leadership, parenting, caregiving—whatever your marathon is—works the same way.
When you name it a healing day, you give it purpose. It becomes something intentional instead of something to apologize for.
Step 2: Tell People What You Need (Specifically)
Here’s the part that most of us skip. We assume people will just “get it.” But the truth is, they won’t. They’re busy too, and they love you, but they’re not tracking your capacity meter. So instead of saying “I just need a break,” try giving clear, specific guidance:
“I’m off the grid until 3 p.m.—unless it’s urgent, I’ll respond later.”
“I need a morning where no one needs me.”
“Could you handle dinner tonight so I can just reset?”
I plan ahead when I can and inform people this is when I’m unavailable and it decreased the incoming calls, emails and texts.
The clarity helps them show up in ways that actually help. And it keeps you from resenting people for not meeting needs you never expressed.
This is especially important for leaders—at work, at home, or both. When you model clear communication about your energy, you normalize it for everyone around you.
Step 3: Build Your Dopamine Menu
Here’s one of my favorite tools. When you’re exhausted, your brain is fried. That’s not the moment to make decisions about what might make you feel better. Decision fatigue will always choose the path of least resistance—scrolling, zoning out, or doom-drifting.
So instead, create what’s called a Dopamine Menu (check out my previous post all about it)—a list of small, meaningful actions that lift your mood or restore your energy. It’s basically a self-care cheat sheet for when you can’t think straight.
Write it down somewhere you’ll actually see it. Include a mix of quick wins and deeper resets.
Examples:
A walk without headphones
A hot shower and clean sheets
A solo coffee drive
Reading ten pages of something unrelated to work
Texting one person who always brings calm
Baking something just because
Sitting outside for ten minutes
glass of wine in a good glass
The idea is to reduce the friction between knowing you need rest and actually taking it.
And bonus: share your menu with the people in your life. Let them know what’s on it, so when you say, “I need a healing day,” they have a blueprint for how to help. (“Hey, I’ll take the kids for a bit—you go do something from your list.”)
Step 4: Protect It Like a Commitment
Put it on the calendar. Announce it. Honor it. Treat it like the recovery day it is. Because if you leave it open-ended, the world will fill it for you.
When you protect your healing day, you’re not being selfish—you’re being strategic. You’re setting yourself up to show up better tomorrow.
And the more you design your rest, the less guilt you’ll carry around it. Because you’ll know this isn’t wasted time—it’s maintenance time.
Step 5: Give Yourself Permission to Feel Better
The last step might be the hardest: letting go of the guilt that comes with slowing down. Our culture ties worth to productivity, but here’s what I’ve come to believe—leadership isn’t about constant output. It’s about sustainable impact. And sustainable impact requires recovery.
So build your healing day like a system, not a fantasy. Name it, communicate it, plan it, protect it, and use it to remind yourself that you’re worth taking care of—even when no one else is asking you to.
Pep Talk Callout 💬
You don’t need permission to rest.
You need a plan.
And the next time your body asks for a break—listen.
Design your healing day like it’s your comeback strategy.
Because it is.
