When Rest Feels Wrong: Learning to Step Away Without the Guilt

I know that feeling — the one that creeps in the moment you think about taking a day off. The little voice that says, “But the inbox will explode. People will need me. I can’t just disappear.”

It’s the tension between knowing you need a break and fearing what happens when you take one.

I’ve lived in that tension for years. My job runs on adrenaline: long hours, freezing fields, endless logistics, the weight of making sure a hundred moving parts come together seamlessly. I love the work — I’ll always show up early, stay late, and get it done. But I also know this: when the season ends, I need recovery time. I’m not lazy. I’m sustainable.

Because when I’m done with this role, they’ll hire someone else. My family won’t. And they need me to be okay.

The Anxiety Behind Rest

That sense of rest anxiety — the racing thoughts, the guilt, the “just one more email” reflex — it’s not just in your head. It’s actually wired into modern work culture.

Research from the American Psychological Association shows that even when employees have paid time off, 55% of Americans don’t use all of it. The most common reason? Fear of falling behind or burdening coworkers. It’s a cultural conditioning that equates constant activity with worth.

Neuroscience backs this up too. Our brains love the dopamine hit that comes with crossing something off a list. Work can literally become our reward system — meaning when we stop, our dopamine drops. That’s why rest can feel wrong.

Reframing the Workload

The trick isn’t to stop caring. It’s to reframe what “caring” looks like. True leadership isn’t about endless motion — it’s about clarity, discernment, and resilience. And none of those things exist in burnout.

When I step back, it’s not because I don’t want to lead. It’s because I want to keep leading. Rest is part of the system that keeps me capable. Just like some people need medicine to stay balanced, I need time.

And that time isn’t selfish — it’s essential.

Working With (and Around) Workaholics

Let’s be real: it’s hard to rest when everyone around you refuses to. Some people thrive on chaos, or at least believe they do. Their identity is tied to being the one who never stops.

If that’s your environment, here’s what helps:

• Communicate early. Let teammates know when you’ll be stepping away and what’s truly urgent during that window. Define “emergency” clearly.

• Model recovery. People don’t believe they have permission to rest until they see someone do it. Your pause is a quiet invitation.

• Don’t mirror their pace. You can respect someone’s drive without replicating their depletion. You can be committed and still leave space to breathe.

Because here’s the thing — no one wins in a culture that never stops. Teams that never rest don’t perform better; they just collapse more dramatically.

The Science of Stepping Away

Studies on workplace recovery show that psychological detachment — actually mentally unplugging from work — is one of the strongest predictors of long-term productivity. When we rest deeply, our prefrontal cortex (the decision-making part of the brain) resets. We literally regain access to better judgment, empathy, and creativity.

In other words: rest isn’t a break from leadership — it’s a leadership skill.

Even micro-breaks throughout the day have measurable effects. A 2022 meta-analysis found that short pauses — stretching, walking, breathing — reduce fatigue and increase motivation, especially in demanding jobs. (And I’d say most of us qualify.)

So if you feel guilty stepping away, remind yourself: the data says you’ll return sharper, calmer, and better equipped to handle the next wave.

How to Ease Rest Guilt

If you can’t take a full healing day yet, start smaller:

• Take an hour of intentional nothing. No scrolling. No multitasking. Just be.

• Set a mini out-of-office boundary. Tell your team, “I’ll be offline for an hour to recharge; I’ll catch up afterward.”

• Leave one email unanswered. Just to prove the world won’t end. (It won’t.)

• Revisit your Dopamine Menu. Replace the “reward” of work with a reward of joy.

And when that old guilt voice whispers that you’re slacking off, remind yourself: this is the maintenance your future self needs.

My Non-Negotiable Truth

My leadership style is this: I’ll give everything I’ve got when it’s go-time. I’ll stay in the cold, I’ll put in the miles, I’ll carry the details. But when the work is done, I need time to recover. That’s not negotiable anymore.

Because someday, this job will move on without me.
But my people — my kids, my partner, my friends — they can’t just rehire a replacement.

So I’m protecting the version of me they deserve.
It’s not that I don’t care about the work.
It’s that I care about the human doing it.

Pep Talk Callout 💬

You don’t need to earn your rest by burning out first.
The inbox can wait. The world will keep spinning.
You are not replaceable at home, even if you are at work.
Take the day. Protect the human.