When Rest Feels Wrong (And Why That Doesn’t Mean Anything Is Wrong With You)
If rest feels uncomfortable to you… congratulations, you’re officially in the club no one asked to join.
The club of:
I should be doing something.
My brain won’t shut off.
Rest feels like wasted time.
I’m sitting on the couch but I can feel my to-do list looking at me from across the room.
I get it.
Rest never came naturally to me either.
And for a long time, I thought that meant something was wrong with me — that I wasn’t built to slow down, that maybe I didn’t “deserve” rest, or that other people had some magical ability to relax that I somehow missed in childhood.
But here’s what the research says (and honestly, what I’ve lived myself):
1. High-achieving brains often interpret rest as a threat.
According to cognitive neuroscience research, people who operate at high stress levels or high performance often experience “post-stress discomfort” when they slow down.
Your brain literally doesn’t know what to do with the absence of urgency.
It’s not a you problem — it’s a nervous system problem.
2. People who carry responsibility for others struggle more with rest.
Studies from the National Alliance for Caregiving and the American Psychological Association show that caregivers, educators, parents, and leaders experience “rest guilt” at significantly higher rates.
When your role is to hold things together, stillness feels irresponsible.
3. Rest triggers identity questions.
Because the second you’re not doing something, the thoughts creep in:
Who am I without my productivity?
What if I stop and everything falls apart?
What does it mean if I’m not constantly useful?
Rest gets messy when being busy becomes part of how you see yourself.
So If Rest Feels Wrong… What Does That Mean?
It means you’re human — and probably tired.
It means you’ve been operating at a pace that your brain thinks is normal, even though it’s not.
It means your nervous system needs a minute.
It means you’re carrying more than even you realize.
And it means that rest is not dangerous… it’s unfamiliar.
Which is fixable.
Three Ways to Make Rest Feel Less Wrong
1. Give your brain a “bridge task.”
This is a concept from behavioral science:
Instead of going straight from chaos → rest, choose something in the middle.
Examples:
Folding laundry
Doing a puzzle
Making tea
Light stretching
Tidying one small corner
These bridge tasks settle your nervous system so rest stops feeling like a cliff.
2. Replace “I should be doing something” with a chosen sentence.
Try:
“Rest is part of the work.”
“My body deserves this.”
“The world won’t fall apart if I pause.”
Internal scripts matter — neuroscience shows they literally change emotional response patterns.
3. Rest in micro-moments, not big dramatic ones.
You don’t need a spa day.
You need three minutes at a time.
Micro-rest is proven to lower cortisol and improve cognitive focus.
(University of Konstanz, 2021, if you need the receipt.)
A GRL Pep Talk
If no one has told you this today:
You’re not broken because rest feels weird.
Your body isn’t wrong.
Your brain isn’t wrong.
Your patterns aren’t wrong.
They just come from years of being the responsible one.
The strong one.
The one who carries things.
The one people lean on.
And people like us?
We don’t suddenly unwind.
We learn to.
Slowly.
Gently.
Imperfectly.
One tiny exhale at a time.
And if you need a place to start, start here:
Give yourself five minutes where you’re not fixing, solving, helping, planning, or producing.
Your body knows what to do with that, even if your brain protests.
Rest isn’t wrong.
It’s just new.
